Share your favorite business jargon

[Ft. Worth Rob]

I have the distinct pleasure (not) to sit in a lot of meetings and have started to keep a list of the various cringe-worthy jargon I hear.

Here are a few current favorites to start us out.

“Pull on that string for me” - my old boss used to say this when someone would make a statement and he was looking for more detail/context.

“I’m not going to drain this slide” - when a presenter has a slide they’re presenting that usually is an “eye chart” with way too much content meaning they’re not going to discuss every detail on the slide.

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[L8apex]

Where I work you better get used to using, knowing and hearing a lot of TLAs. Three Letter Acronyms.

 

[Bestdayever]

Even a blind squirrel will sometimes find a nut.

 

[RG7]

Running list pulled directly from my phone notes

“Keep that top of mind” = one of 98 other things mentioned on this call that is, you guessed it, extremely important for you to remember.

“That’s gonna be a best practice” = how you should do it.

“We need to position this” = maneuver around the issue/individual/organization because we can’t just come out and say whatever it is we’re trying to do.

“Team, we need to watch our KPI’s” = Key Performance Indicators, nothing wrong with keeping your metrics up, but this TLA gets used waaaay too much.

“Opportunity” = something you screwed up but I’m not allowed to tell you that you shat the bed on this so I have to say it’s an opportunity for growth instead.

“We’ll circle back to that” = Hey pal, you’ve spent the last 10 minutes on this call of 30+ people discussing an issue with the presenter that literally only affects you and wasting everyone’s time. Kindly mute yourself and figure it out on your own time.

“I’ll be candid with you” = I’m saying something that has the SLIGHTEST chance of someone, somewhere; disagreeing with me, and want to cover my ass so I can avoid conflict.

 

[L8apex]

Running list pulled directly from my phone notes

“Keep that top of mind” = one of 98 other things mentioned on this call that is, you guessed it, extremely important for you to remember.

“That’s gonna be a best practice” = how you should do it.

“We need to position this” = maneuver around the issue/individual/organization because we can’t just come out and say whatever it is we’re trying to do.

“Team, we need to watch our KPI’s” = Key Performance Indicators, nothing wrong with keeping your metrics up, but this TLA gets used waaaay too much.

“Opportunity” = something you screwed up but I’m not allowed to tell you that you shat the bed on this so I have to say it’s an opportunity for growth instead.

“We’ll circle back to that” = Hey pal, you’ve spent the last 10 minutes on this call of 30+ people discussing an issue with the presenter that literally only affects you and wasting everyone’s time. Kindly mute yourself and figure it out on your own time.

“I’ll be candid with you” = I’m saying something that has the SLIGHTEST chance of someone, somewhere; disagreeing with me, and want to cover my ass so I can avoid conflict.

Hmmmm NC as well....99% sure this man works in Finance. I don't but hear all of these from all of my banker friends when they take phone calls.

 

[lowmpg]

"down range"

 

[Mattwings]

We need to “Unpack This” ?

 

[Blksn955.o]

Can you add some color.

KPI, ROI...evergreen...Along with any 3-5 letter acronym.

Kind of related my old boss a few years ago found a conference call bingo sheet. We would play along on various calls and at random someone would call out bingo.

Synergies

Joined at the hip

 

[Ft. Worth Rob]

Running list pulled directly from my phone notes

“Keep that top of mind” = one of 98 other things mentioned on this call that is, you guessed it, extremely important for you to remember.

“That’s gonna be a best practice” = how you should do it.

“We need to position this” = maneuver around the issue/individual/organization because we can’t just come out and say whatever it is we’re trying to do.

“Team, we need to watch our KPI’s” = Key Performance Indicators, nothing wrong with keeping your metrics up, but this TLA gets used waaaay too much.

“Opportunity” = something you screwed up but I’m not allowed to tell you that you shat the bed on this so I have to say it’s an opportunity for growth instead.

“We’ll circle back to that” = Hey pal, you’ve spent the last 10 minutes on this call of 30+ people discussing an issue with the presenter that literally only affects you and wasting everyone’s time. Kindly mute yourself and figure it out on your own time.

“I’ll be candid with you” = I’m saying something that has the SLIGHTEST chance of someone, somewhere; disagreeing with me, and want to cover my ass so I can avoid conflict.

Opportunity! I always love that one. Everything is so PC. It’s especially funny because I told my boss and peers “we really shit the bed on that one”, got chastised by my boss for saying shit and no one in the room said they’d ever heard that before. Lesson learned.

 

[CJSky]

Two things to add:

Acronyms made of other acronyms

WAG = Wild ass guess. Our WAG at the root cause is...

 

[Ft. Worth Rob]

Boil the ocean, as in getting into such unneeded detail that it renders a project difficult.

 

[rgwinn]

I too used to sit in on a lot of meetings, I was a Risk Management consultant for large scale IT projects; I made this up at one point for teleconferences;

 

[Bison]

Clear as mud.

 

[Granger Ford]

Car lingo, "I can go another nickel on the deal"....means $500 but really offends people who take it literally...

Prior dealership "they are all walking wallets and it is our job to empty them" self explanatory and a main reason I quit them...

"even a blind hog finds an acorn" Lucky...

The old standby "even a broken clock is right twice a day"

 

[GYMEBronco22]

Lets blue sky this... (lets hear your wacky n wild ideas - nothings to zany for this crazzzeee meeting..)
Run this up the flag pole...(tentatively put this out there to see what the reaction is)
Circle back (re-visit this later)
Provide some color (more details needed
Hard stop (this meeting will HAVE to end at X time etc - 'I have a hard stop at 11.00')
Deep dive (need more details)
Touch base / best practice
Hit the ground running
etc etc etc

It goes on and on. You can literally makeup your own stupid saying and insert it into a conference call or meeting and everyones too scared to question the meaning incase they look like they are 'out of the loop'.......

'Yeah, erm Dave and I will need to stretch the legs on that idea, and test its cross platform synergies to confirm they vibe....'

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